Weak Things Can Be Made Strong

This post is going to be very personal, but I thought I wanted to get my thoughts down before much more time passes.  And I wanted to share some of the things Brandt and I are going through recently.

Brandt and I have had a hard couple of weeks.  And we anticipate a much longer harder 5 more months.  We went in for our first prenatal appointment at 12 weeks on May 30th.  We went through the normal process for first time pregnancies.  The doctor did an ultrasound and everything looked good....at least as far as what I could see.  It was sooo neat to be able to see that there was a real baby inside my body.  The best part was when I could see him move his arms and legs, and I saw him open his little tiny hand and then make a fist.  He was kicking like crazy even though I couldn't feel anything.  It was so exciting.  Brandt noticed a bulge by the tummy, but just learning that the intestines form in the umbilical cord and then go into the belly at a certain point...both the doctor and I were on the same page...she went on to explain this very thing.  Everything was great.  We even got pictures to take home and show people.  Then very next morning the doctor called me to tell me that the bulge in his little tummy did reveal some abnormalities and she wanted me to have an ultrasound and blood test with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  She said it looked like his organs were forming on the outside of his body, which is called an Omphalocele.  An Omphalocele is a type of abdominal wall defect in which the intestines, liver, and occasionally other organs remain outside of the abdomen in a sac because of a defect in the development of the muscles of the abdominal wall.  If the Omphalocele was not chromosomal, it could be fixed with surgery and everything would be normal... however if it was chromosomal, then there are possibilities for many more abnormalities and the baby has less of a chance of recovery.  She made the appointment and a week later we were on our way to the hospital. 

I remember the week prior praying so much that our baby would grow healthy and whole.

Our findings with Maternal Fetal Medicine were not good.  Except the fact that we were told he was a BOY.  We were sooo excited...suddenly anticipating all the things we could do with our son, starting to buy little boy things.... We were just so happy!  I was happy Brandt was getting his son!  Then the doctor came in.  She sat down and the look on her face told me we were about to be disappointed.  She started to discuss the reasons we were sent in was because of an Omphalocele.  We had been hopeful that the organs would naturally go back into the belly, reading on multiple pregnancy websites that sometimes they don't start to go back in until 13 weeks. I was at the very beginning of my 13th week.  The Omphalocele was still there.  It was large.  She proceeded to tell us that the findings were much more severe than that.  They gave our baby a 0% chance of survival.  They gave us two options.  We can terminate now, or try to carry him as long as we can.  At what point we will lose him, we don't know.  If we happen to be lucky enough to carry him to term, the best they can offer is to bring hospice in and make our baby boy as comfortable as possible until he goes.  They told us that through all of us, they were happy to say that our chances of this happening again were so slim, they wouldn't anticipate it.  They told us that this was not caused by anything we did or didn't do.  There's nothing we could have done to prevent this.  And it was not likely to happen again.  It's a complete fluke of nature.  Also, there is a chance that the baby's heart condition could move into Congestive Heart Failure, at which point my heart could start mimicking the baby's heart.  They also said that this was such a rare thing that happens to mothers that they wouldn't anticipate it happening, but that there was a small chance.  

Friday June 8th was the hardest day in mine and Brandt's life.  We experienced so many awful emotions.  But with that we also experienced the love and support of family and friends.  We have received an outpouring of support that I can't communicate.  It has been overwhelming and I feel so blessed to have the family and friends in my life that I do.  And I couldn't have gone through this with anyone else other than Brandt.  He has been so amazing through this with me.  He is such a rock.  My strength!  We have had our ups and downs, but the closeness this has brought us has been so good for us.  Our love for each other is growing in ways we never knew possible.

After much thought, prayer, consideration, and counseling, we have decided to wait things out to our next appointment on June 28th, which we will have another ultrasound with the OBGYN.  She will then schedule another ultrasound with Maternal Fetal Medicine and we may possibly do an amniocenteses.  We will try to find out if there are any more abnormalities or complications and then make another decision at that point.  We would like to try to carry our baby boy as long as we can.  We want to give him as much of a chance to live as we can.

If any of you are reading who have participated in the many prayers and fasting on our behalf, I just want to tell you thank you with everything I have!  Your prayers have not gone unfelt.  We are so very blessed every day to be able to have the strength to carry though this difficult time, and we are also praying for miracles!  Thank you so much!  We love you!